Loved and Lost

Wrote this after I watched the Girl Who Waited. I'm an avid Doctor/Rose shipper, even with Eleven and so when this came to mind I had to write it! It's rather pathetically sad, but I like it anyways. I also posted it on fanfiction.net a while back, but I cannot for the life of me remember how to sign in on there. So I will repost it here. Enjoy!

I do not own Doctor Who. Wish I did. Rose would come back.

The Doctor darted forward helping Rory lower Amy to the ground. He scanned her. Oh thank goodness! "It's just an anesthetic. She'll be fine." He announced. He rose to his feet and ran back to the door.

        There she was, the older Amy. The one that could never be in the TARDIS. He froze, his hearts screaming at him not to leave her there. Not to do what he did to Rose, to Donna, to so many others. Not now.

        "There's another thing the TARDIS could do... it could take us away..." He looked up at her, a quite admiration swelling in his breast for her bravery. "We could leave. Let history take its course. We go to Marbella in 1989."

        "Yeah, but you'd never do that." She replied looking up at him with a smile. Their eyes locked.

        "No, but you could ask. "

        Her eyes dropped again. She could have. A part of her even wanted to. But she wouldn't leave him.

        Amy's eyes grew wide. She knew what the Doctor was thinking. She threw down her weapons and started running towards the box.

        "Rose Tyler, you're a GENIUS!" He dashed into the TARDIS with her following close on his heels. He ordered her to hold down a lever and swtiched the TARDIS to automatic rambling as he went. "Now, I've just got to go and power up the Game Station. Hold on!"

        The Doctor grabbed the door, willing himself to shut it on her. Straining against the impulse to let her get on first and then take her with them. It wouldn't work. It could never work. That's why there were only the ten minutes before bad things started happening. Before worlds started falling apart.

        He hurried back out of the TARDIS and back onto Satellite 51. The TARDIS doors closed behind him and he stopped short. He turned back around taking one last look then raised his screwdriver.

        "I'm sorry." He slammed the door shut just as she reached it.

        He activated the TARDIS. It began whirring and dematerializing. Rose called out to him, trying to understand what was going on.

        "What are you doing?!" Rory demanded.

        "I lied to her Rory. There can never be two Amys in the TARDIS. The parallels are too massive." He explained. He could still hear her calling his name, pounding on the door.

        "Doctor, let me out! Let me out! Doctor, I don't want to go!" She shouted pounding at the TARDIS door. He had tricked her.

        "But we can't leave her, she'll die!"

        “I was gonna be with you... forever.” Donna’s eyes started to fill with tears. “The rest of my life. Travelling... in the TARDIS. The DoctorDonna.” She shook her head, backing away slowly as he raised his hands towards her face.

“I can't go back!” She said frantically. Tears were rolling off her cheeks now and she was terrified. “Please don't make me go back! Doctor! Please! Please don't make me go back!”

        "No! She'll never have existed." He explained. "When we save our Amy this future won't have happened."

        "But she happened! She's there!" Rory replied angrily.

        Rose stared her mother down, for once making the choice she had never dared to make. "Mum. I've had a life with you for nineteen years. But then I met the Doctor and... all the things I've seen him do for me. For you. For all of us. For the whole... stupid planet and every planet out there. He does it alone, mum." Rose started backing towards him. "But not anymore. Cause he's got me."

        "Doctor please!" Amy cried. "I trusted you!"

        He slipped the yellow dimension transporter out of his pocket and lifted it over her head. Pete slammed a hand down on his as she turned around to face the Doctor. The surprise and betrayal was written all over her face. "What're you-?" She was gone in a flash, the transport field closing around her. He paused for a moment, his hearts struggling to cope with the loss.

        The Doctor struggled to focus his mind in the present. His reality now, not a hundred years ago. "She's not real!" He said half to himself, half to Rory.

        He watched as Donna laughed and joked with whoever was on the other line of the phone, just as she would have before he had met her. His hearts ached for the loss of her companionship. He would miss her laugh. She had been a good friend to him.

        It may have been wishful thinking that opened his mouth, a hope that maybe somehow she still felt that friendship too, thought her memories were gone. His voice sounded hollow to his own ears as he said, “Donna? I was just going.”

        His hearts sank as she turned to look at him indifferently.  “Yeah, see ya,” was her short reply.

        He turned away, broken once again by the loss of a friend. Yes, she would go on to live a completely normal happy human life, but Donna, his Donna, was gone, which painfully reminded himself once again that in the end, everybody dies.  

        "She is real! Let her in!" Rory demanded with that cold fury that only the Lone Centurion could muster.

        "Look you take this Amy, we leave ours. There can only be one Amy in the TARDIS! Which one do you want?!"

        The Doctor, standing alone against an army of Daleks and Cybermen, was suddenly interrupted only a few seconds later when Rose again reappeared, pulling the yellow transport button off her neck. He stared at her, the anger and relief swelling inside him. "Once the breach collapses, that's IT. You will never be able to see her again. Your own mother!" He gripped her shoulders giving her a slight shake to make his point.

        Rory stared at him, the reality setting in. He took in a short breath looking away in agony. The doctor grabbed his hand and placed it on the lock. "It's your choice."      

        "I made my choice a long time ago, and I'm never gonna leave you."

        He couldn't look Rory in the eye. He knew what this felt like. He knew what it meant to leave someone behind knowing that he would never see them again.

        "Am I ever gonna see you again?" She sobbed on the beach.

        "You can't." He replied, the ache in his chest increasing.

        Rory's eyes filled with recognition. The Doctor realized that Amy had told him about Rose. Rory shook his head desperately.

        Wilfred's eyes filled with tears. "Just leave me. I'm an old man, Doctor. I've had my time."

        He turned toward the little man in the glass box. "Well, exactly, look at you. Not remotely important! But me? I could do so much more! So much more!" His arms rose to the sky, the universe at his fingertips. "But this is what I get. My reward."        

        "This isn't fair!" He moved toward the Doctor, his eyes exposing the rage inside of him. "You're turning me into you!"

        "And it’s not fair!" He shoved the papers off the desk in a fit of rage, sending them flying across the room. He sobbed violently, gasping for breath.

        "It's your choice Rory." The Doctor replied calmly, finally getting control over himself once more.

        The Doctor froze, realizing what he was doing. He let out a shuddering breath. "Lived too long." He whispered. His eyes rose to meet his friend's.

        He hurried back to check on the young Amy then continued on, ignoring the older Amy's cries of his name. This was his reward. Every time he took the TARDIS out for a spin someone, or something got left behind. Someone was lost to him. Someone died. His life was one full of destruction and heartache. No matter where he went he could never escape that. The Destroyer of Worlds. The Oncoming Storm. No one, no one could ever ignore that, or avoid it. Those around him at one point or another felt the sting of it.

        "Are you alright?" Donna Noble asked.

        "I'm always all right." He replied stiffening.

        "Is 'all right' Time Lord code for... 'really not all right at all?" She prodded.

        "Why?" He asked looking down at her, trying to keep his emotions in check and away from the surface.

        She smiled sadly up at him. "Cause I'm all right too."

        Rory felt it now. "I'm sorry!" He sobbed. "I just can't do this!"

        The Doctor heard the click of metal as Rory began turning the lock.

        Amy’s broken, muffled voice carried through the closed door. "If you love me, don't let me in."

        The Doctor turned from the console to listen, straining to push back the memories that were trying to surface.

        "Open that door and I will. I'll come in and I don't want to die. I won't bow out bravely. I'll be kickin', screaming, fighting."

        "Take me back!" She shouted slamming her palms against the wall.

        He leaned his ear against the wall. He could hear her. It was a whisper of her original voice, but he could hear the pain in her words, the biting, gnawing pain of loved ones lost.

        "To the end." Amy whispered.

        "What're you gonna do?" Rose asked, tears filling her words.

        "Oh, I've got the TARDIS. Same old life. Last of the Time Lords." He tried to shrug.

        "On your own?" She looked at him, her heart breaking not just for herself, but for him.

        He didn't trust himself to speak. He couldn't.

        "Amy, Amy I love you!" Rory whispered.

        "And I love you!" Amy sobbed.     

        "I-" She doubled over, the sobs pressing at her lips to escape. She caught them back and looked up again. "I love you!" She choked out.

        He tried to smile and give her a laugh. "Quite right too." But he couldn't take this any longer. He couldn't let her go on not knowing how he felt. He could let his last words be a cover for his real feelings. So he gathered what courage he had left.